I Stared Into Oblivion And Found You
by maia 22
Summary: She would drown her sorrows in cheap Firewhiskey and thunderstorms... When Harry goes away, Ginny is left behind.
1. All Aboard

_--__Everyday I travel, travel in time  
try my best to reach you  
I just don't know what I'll find  
Everyday I travel--_

Ginny Weasley was alone on the platform, save for her parents who were anxiously looking down at their youngest daughter. The steam was billowing out from the Hogwarts Express, the scarlet snake trailing out of the station on the track leading towards Scotland. She couldn't see anyone else from her year who was returning for this sixth year at Hogwarts- although all those who were pure- or half-blood were supposed to return, she supposed that some would have been pulled out of school by their parents… and of course the Muggleborns wouldn't be allowed to return. Dean, her boyfriend at the beginning of last year, had already left; where he'd gone she didn't know.

Her mother sighed, looking at the clock over the platform. "Only a minute left, Gin, you'd better get on the train." She looked sadly across at her youngest daughter, who had suddenly become the only child that she had left. Except Ginny wasn't a child either, shortly to turn seventeen, and the same height as her mother. And so beautiful, with the loose curls of copper-coloured hair, chocolate brown eyes, and the flawless milk-coloured skin that was the saving grace of all the female Weasleys. Although she hadn't mentioned anything about it, Molly knew that Ginny had begun dating Harry, finally, at the end of the school year, and she was quite intrigued as to how it was going to work with Harry away for the whole year. Oh, she didn't doubt that they were both sincere about their relationship, but at sixteen and seventeen a year apart is like a lifetime… but still, this was Harry and Ginny, and Ginny had liked Harry since she was ten…

She'd pushed and pulled her trunk onto the train earlier with her father's assistance, wishing for just one of her brothers to be there to help her out. But, as she suspected would be a common action this year, she had looked round to find no one there to help her or support her. This year was going to be the first that there hadn't been at least one of her brothers in school, and she wasn't sure how different that was going to make the experience.

She turned to her mother who had begun crying, dabbing her tears carefully with an old cotton handkerchief. "Be careful this year, Gin. It's not going to be the same with Dumbledore gone, and now that Snape's the Headmaster… just be sensible, okay? We don't need to give them a reason to attack, do we?"

Ginny shook her head mutely, and hugged her mother and father goodbye, trying not to notice the way even her father's eyes were welling up. She stuck her head out of the window, waving frantically at her parents, standing on the platform, her father's arm around her mother's shoulder as her mother sobbed into his chest. She had seen that image before… And then it hit her- Ron and Hermione at Dumbledore's funeral had stood in exactly the same way, tears dripping off Ron's nose to land in Hermione's bushy hair, and the memory made her miss her brother even more…

Before she could get too caught up in her introspection, reminding herself once again how much she hated all Slytherins and particularly Snape, Neville came up behind her, dragging Luna along as the girl stared vacantly at the compartments they walked past. "Hey Ginny! So, are you ready to torment some Slytherins this year?"

He grinned at the fierce-looking redhead in front of him, who was now glaring at Malfoy standing at the other end of the corridor. "I'd have thought that git would be too busy murdering Muggles to come back to school," she muttered, grinning back at Neville. He'd gained a lot of self-confidence in his role in the last two battles they'd fought, at the Ministry last year then in the halls of Hogwarts last summer. She supposed it didn't exactly hurt that he was now touching six foot, and had filled out over the summer. "Good to see you, Neville. I'm not exactly supposed to be drawing attention to the family, but I'm up for a few covert missions."

The trio walked down the corridor, before finding a compartment where they could talk uninterrupted. Ginny cast _Muffliato_ on the walls just in case a Slytherin- or anyone looking to curry favour- listened at the door. She supposed it was widely known that the three of them had been within the inner circle of the DA and that they would be the ones to look to if there was any trouble this year. "Have you still got your Galleon?"

Luna and Neville pulled theirs out of their pockets, laying them on Ginny's lap along with her own.

"I don't pretend to be an expert at this, but Hermione taught me a few of the basics after I bugged her about going away—"

"Where?" interrupted Neville, looking curiously at Ginny. "Is that why Harry and Ron aren't here?"

"Yes, I don't know where, but Ron has spattergroit if anyone else asks, and Hermione's not coming back because she's Muggle-born. You're supposed to persuade people that Harry went on his own." As the climate worsened over the summer, Ginny hadn't been allowed to send any more owls in case they were read, and it felt good to be telling her friends. She trusted these two to keep it between the three of them, knowing that no one wanted more than them to take down You Know Who. "Anyway, my coin is now a master coin, so I thought I'd make yours as well. I think it's up to us to lead the DA this year. And then I'll show you how to change the date and everything."

Getting Neville to accomplish the spell took less time than she had thought it would- although he was by no means brilliant at using his wand, he was certainly proficient and the boost in confidence had obviously improved his ability. Ginny only hoped that could last in school what with the place being run by Slytherins. She'd get Seamus to tell her if Neville returned to being a quivering wreck in his first Potions lesson.

By the time all the swapping of spells learnt over the summer was finished, and they had changed into their robes, the storm clouds were rolling in over the hills and the sun was sinking lower in the sky. Ginny felt the train come to a halt gently, and looking out of the window saw the Hogsmeade station. All three of them could now see the Thestrals pulling the carriages, having seen the death of one of the Death Eaters attacking the school last summer, and Ginny felt almost cruel for having mocked Luna's talk of horses pulling the carriages the September before.

Ginny stepped out of the compartment first, leaving her trunk to be taken up to the school. It would have been a perfect day of avoidance of Slytherins if it hadn't been for the fact that in stepping out of the compartment, she stepped into Draco Malfoy who had a shiny Head Boy badge pinned to his chest.

"Ah, the Weaselette. Didn't manage to catch spattergroit off your brother then?" he sneered. She looked up into his grey eyes, and marvelled at just how quickly the story had spread. "I'd have expected it, living in a hovel like yours."

Ginny merely raised an eyebrow. "Ah well, at least I don't have to resort to dating animals. Oh sorry, I didn't mean that _personally_ about Pansy…" she sighed, leaving Luna in fits of laughter. "Well, I suppose that it's to be expected from a ferret." She tossed her hair over her shoulder, allowing the other two to step out into the corridor as well as the train emptied around them.

Had she seen the hint of a smirk in his eyes as she'd made that comment about Pansy? But then she'd made the "ferret" comment and he'd been angry… She really did _detest_ Slytherins! He obviously couldn't come up with a comment in response to that, merely reddening to the extent that she was sure she was going to be expelled for causing the Head Boy's heart attack before she'd even set foot in school. "Gryffindor starting the school year on negative points? Now the last time that happened was when Potter crashed a flying car into the Whomping Willow… you must be used to it by now."

"In case you'd forgotten, they didn't take any points for that… something about school not actually starting until after the Feast?" Ginny said mildly, knowing that she could get Professor McGonagall to back her up on this. She allowed a small smirk to grace her lips as Pansy Parkinson, looking more like a pug than ever as Head Girl, came up and claimed Draco's arm, planting a kiss on his reddening cheek. _Now, that look of displeasure flickering in his eyes definitely cannot be my imagination…_

Pansy looked at Ginny as if she was slightly less fragrant than mud. "Forced to turn to the Slytherins, Weasel? No one left in your own House?" The way she was looking at Draco was clearly intended to be affectionate, possessive, but instead reminded Ginny of Percy's face when he'd got the runs a few years ago.

"I'm never going to be that desperate, Pansy," Ginny retorted, sucking her cheeks in an attempt not to laugh, which failed miserably when she heard Neville's guffaws behind her, and even Luna returned from her own planet for a minute to add in her silvery laughter.

Pansy huffed at that, and turned on her heel, her long blonde hair smacking Draco in the face as she did so, causing another bout of laughter from the Gryffindor. To the sound of hearty laughter, laughing in a way Ginny hadn't done in so long she'd forgotten that she missed it, the two Slytherins exited the carriage, Draco shooting a glare to Ginny behind him.

**

* * *

**

a/n:

Normally I stick to canon, but for this I'm making an exception... I can't believe that Ginny wouldn't be hugely pissed off about being dumped by Harry because it's "too dangerous".

Kind of a slow start I know but it gets better... I'll update again in two weeks when I get back, if I haven't keeled over and died from the amount of holiday homework my teachers have insisted on giving me!

Lyrics from Alone by Gabrielle


	2. First Week Back

Ginny, Neville and Luna entered the Great Hall together, admiring the stormy sky of the ceiling and the candles, ready-lit, floating above the tables. Luna moved to the Ravenclaw table, leaving Ginny and Neville to join their fellow Gryffindors. The ranks had certainly thinned since last year, and there was ample space for them at the table despite their having taken the last carriage up to school. Only Ginny, another girl, Jimmy Peakes and Colin Creevey were left from her year, none of whom were especially close friends. She had always tagged along with Harry, Ron and Hermione, particularly in the last year. In the Seventh Year, Neville had stayed obviously, and would spend the year alone with Seamus Finnegan in the boy's dormitories. Out of the girls, Lavender Brown had remained along with Parvati Patil.

In fact, the only House to retain all of its students was Slytherin. And sitting at the head of their table, nearest to Professor Snape, were the Head Boy and Girl, who Professor Sprout was looking down on with marked distaste. There were two new Professors, both huge blonde thugs, who Ginny assumed had been planted by You-Know-Who. And here came the new students, already a smaller year because there were no Muggle-borns.

The hat burst into song, singing once again of the need for unity in dark times. Snape glared at it malevolently. Each student tried it on, more going into Slytherin than the other Houses- Ginny supposed that this was down to the lack of Muggle-borns, who would usually fill out Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. She only pitied the new First Years, who would miss out on the wonderful place that Hogwarts had been for all of Ginny's previous years in the school.

Snape's beginning-of-term speech was curt. "We have two new Professors. Alecto and Amycus Carrow will take over the teaching of Muggle Studies and the Dark Arts, which are both compulsory. A full list of banned objects is available from Mr. Filch, the caretaker. Eat." Ginny, watching Professor McGonagall's face, thought it was quite a shame that looks couldn't kill. Snape would have dropped dead from a single glance as her favourite teacher's face contorted, thinking of what they had done to her beloved school.

The feast was short and the students less excitable than usual. The knowledge that they would be learning the Dark Arts, perhaps even the Unforgivable Curses, cast a pall over events, and only the Slytherin table heard the normal amount of start-of-term chatter. As the feast drew to a close, Neville stood and led the Gryffindors up to the tower and the portrait of the Fat Lady, who looked depressed. "The password's _Gillyweed_," Neville said, making Colin Creevey smother a chuckle as he remembered Harry eating it during the Triwizard Tournament.

* * *

Breakfast the next morning was a quiet, not to say dismal, affair, lightening only slightly with the distribution of the timetables for this school year. Ginny sighed when she discovered that two mornings a week, including this one, would begin with Muggle Studies, a subject which bored her immensely and which she had not bothered taking for her OWLs: anything she wanted to know about Muggles, Harry or Hermione could tell her. The only small comfort was that Colin was in all her classes bar one, and with his mild obsession with Harry would give her someone she could talk about her ex-boyfriend with.

Finishing a truly stupendous pile of scrambled eggs, Colin finally scrambled to his feet. "Ginny? Aren't we going to be late for Muggle Studies?"

Ginny sighed heavily. "Yes, Colin, I told you that five minutes ago." Maybe the compensations didn't outweigh the irritations of having Colin as a friend. Ginny suddenly remembered why most of her friends were male and in the year above- having six brothers, she had always been more comfortable hanging out with boys, but the boys her own age were so immature!

They arrived, panting, just as Professor Carrow did, and allowed her to pass through the doorway first. She glared down at them. "Gryffindors? I might have known."

The class began, and Ginny was quickly horrified. Anyone who had known Hermione Granger or even Dean Thomas would know that Muggle-borns were as intelligent if not more so than their wizarding counterparts, yet here was Professor Carrow explaining that Muggles were inherently evil and that it was a wizard's duty to stamp them out. Ginny, looking at the way she waved her wand menacingly towards the Gryffindors as she was teaching, decided that now was maybe not the best moment to make a stand, although she couldn't help the look of complete disbelief that was spread over her face.

Dark Arts was next, and exactly as Ginny had expected. The male Carrow taught them how to use the Cruciatus curse practising on spiders, claiming that if they could hit this small target, hitting Muggles would be easy. Ginny's spider failed to do anything more than twitch a very little, and she had a strong suspicion that she was going to fail this class quite badly.

Colin Creevey however seemed to have quite a knack for it, which worried Ginny until he explained, "All you have to do is think of Malfoy and the other Slytherins punishing you, and it suddenly comes. But then I end up feeling quite guilty- I don't want to hurt the poor spider after all, it hasn't done anything to me."

"Detention, Creevey," Professor Carrow snapped, having been listening behind them. "I think we need a little more understanding of the Cruciatus than that, it is after all an essential weapon."

By lunchtime Ginny was completely exhausted and wondering if she was actually going to learn anything this year. Could it possibly get any worse?

Of course, when you think that, Fate will always attempt to find some way in which this could indeed be so. And so, as Ginny headed down the corridor towards lunch, her bag split and all its contents fell on the floor at Draco Malfoy's feet, splashing him with ink.

Draco looked down at the sodden hem of his robe, which was reacting with some ingredient in the ink and fading to an orangey colour, then back into Ginny's eyes in her position on the floor, scooping everything up and muttering _"Reparo!"_ at her bag.

"Use of magic in the corridors and assault on the Head Boy, Weaselette. Not a good first day I might assume," he said snidely.

Ginny had had enough of being quiet and ignoring what was wrong with the lessons she'd had that morning. Before she could stop herself, she retorted sarcastically, "And having such a charming tête-à-tête with you before lunch has made it_ so_ much better, Draco dearest." The Ice Prince seemed stunned that anyone could possibly answer back to him, and stuttered for a moment whilst searching for a response. Ginny seeing this cut in with "And you're the chosen leader of the Slytherins? The Order of the Phoenix obviously has nothing to worry about."

There was a sudden silence in the corridor, and Ginny felt that she might just have gone a _teensy _bit too far in that last comment, mentioning the Order. Malfoy's face was reddening starting with the tips of his ears, providing an interesting contrast to the whiteness of his hair.

Neville had joined Ginny in the corridor by this point, and nudged her elbow meaningfully. She could see the look in his eyes-_ It's not worth it._ "I already got detention from that Carrow woman in Muggle Studies. She seems to think that Muggle-borns are stupid, so I felt I had to explain how Hermione's been top of the year since First Year," he whispered, before standing back to allow her to face Malfoy by herself. She gave him a nod of thanks.

Malfoy's mouth finally opened to emit a sound that resolved in Ginny's ears as "Detention, the Dungeons, eight o'clock sharp or I'll want to know why." He smirked slightly, feeling he'd at least won that battle, before striding into the Great Hall, the seas of students parting before him.

* * *

**a/n:** Huge apologies for taking so long to update... Sixth Form and me are not friends right now.


	3. Kissing Seamus

The relaunching of the DA happened in the second week of term. Neville, Ginny and Luna had been spreading the word in whispers during classes with previous members, and having checked out the list, they had quite a good gathering when they met for the first time outside the Room of Requirement. Neville set the Room up, seeming to have a knack for getting it to do exactly what he wanted.

All the remaining Seventh Years from Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor were there, with the sole exception of Cho Chang's friend Marietta who had betrayed the DA back when it was originally set up. Ginny was concerned about whether or not they would listen to her, even if she did have far more experience fighting Death Eaters than they did. With Neville's track record academically she wasn't sure if they'd listen to him either. But then they were the ones who'd fought before, they were the ones that rebelled.

But surprisingly, there wasn't an issue. Even the pompous Ernie Macmillan, who Ginny thought would have tried to take control, seemed to turn to them for direction, looking almost lost.

Neville handed out some of the fake Galleons and explained their use to the new members. The older students gave their input on what they wanted to do this year, everyone eager to learn more hexes now that the Death Eaters were becoming steadily more powerful. Neville himself was particularly determined to make the Carrows' and Snape's life hell, along with that of any Slytherin that stood in his way.

To Ginny's surprise, Luna was completely in agreement with this, and didn't drift off once during the meeting.

Ginny took a slight sadistic pleasure in Stunning Cho Chang quite mercilessly when they were reviewing spells they'd learnt before. Okay, so maybe Harry wasn't here right now, but there was no point taking any chances for when he came back. She was trying to ignore the fact that "when" was actually more of an "if".

Another week later saw the first mission of the DA completed successfully, with the interruption of every single one of Professor Carrow's Muggle Studies lessons by members of the DA reciting the names of NEWT students who had been Muggle-borns and their results- Ginny never knew her older brothers could be useful sometimes, but it seemed that Fred and George really did know _everything_… such as where McGonagall kept all the old school records.

The Prefects were encouraged to practice using the Cruciatus curse on students when taking House points or giving detention. Neville was the first to refuse, so the Carrows used it on him instead… Ginny had to half-carry him back to the Common Room afterwards.

* * *

Ginny's own first taste of the Cruciatus came a few weeks later and was not at all what she had expected.

Crabbe was using the Curse on a First Year who had pushed him when he was running towards the Great Hall for dinner. Ginny didn't think, just pulled out her wand and cast a Shield Charm between Crabbe and the First Year. _How dare he? A First Year, and he's using the Cruciatus? _She was absolutely livid, and it seemed she wasn't the only one- Professor McGonagall was marching down the hall towards Crabbe, eyes seething with anger.

Crabbe's emotionless face was twitching, a sure sign that he was beginning to get angry too. Then, he turned his wand on Ginny.

She'd heard that you couldn't cast a good Cruciatus unless you really meant it… well, if that was the case then Crabbe must have some deep-seated issues. The pain was excruciating, thoughts flying out of her head with every continuing second in the face of the wave spreading through her.

And then it stopped, and Draco Malfoy was pushing Crabbe aside, saying "I'll take it from here." It seemed like in the real world, the world devoid from pain, only a few seconds had passed… McGonagall had only walked two steps further down the corridor, the First Year hadn't yet run away. Ginny slowly got to her feet.

Crabbe looked at him, obviously wondering what the hell Malfoy was planning to do seeing as he was turning away, saying "Ten House points from Gryffindor, and you're lucky it isn't more."

Crabbe interrupted "But Draco—"

He turned back, jaw set, and drew his wand. "_Crucio!"_ he said, disinterestedly. Ginny felt a small pain, enough to bring tears to her eyes, but nothing like the onslaught before. And now she remembered again Bellatrix Lestrange's yell "_You have to mean it, Potter!"_ from that dreadful night in the Ministry of Magic, and wondered… How come Malfoy was incapable of casting this curse with same intensity as Crabbe?

She didn't like where that thought was leading her, so she looked away from Malfoy's eyes, which were now full of concentration, strain, as if he couldn't quite understand what was happening.

Ginny refused to let any of the tears spill over. The first time had been worse than this anyway, and she hadn't cried then- she hadn't been conscious enough, but that was beside the point. Eventually, Malfoy lowered his wand, the look of intense concentration easing off his face although he still looked slightly confused. Crabbe had had Ginny collapsed on the floor, and he couldn't even manage to get her to drop on one knee. Neither of them had made her scream, a fact she was proud of.

Malfoy walked off into dinner, and Ginny nodded to Professor McGonagall before heading off back to the common room. Somehow she didn't feel like eating dinner now.

Much to her surprise, she wasn't the only Gryffindor shunning dinner. Seamus was sitting in front of the fire, watching the orange and yellow leaping, shoulders hunched. Ginny immediately walked over and put her arm around him, thinking he needed comfort more than she did. She put thoughts of Malfoy's Cruciatus out of her head, along with the feeling that she really was as hopeless as Harry had obviously thought if he wouldn't take her with him. She and Seamus had talked at each other about the people they were missing, feeling it was less like moaning that way. She wished she'd been listening properly now…

Now she could see Seamus' face clearly, the look of melancholy slightly mellowed by the firelight reflecting off the tear trails on his face. Ginny felt her heart clench in response, wondering what had happened to Dean, what could happen to Harry, to her brother… "Seamus, what's wrong?"

He turned his face towards her, smiling slightly through his tears. "It's Dean's birthday today." Ginny felt embarrassed that despite going out with Dean, their relationship had been so short-lived that she hadn't remembered that. She hugged Seamus' shoulders briefly before letting her arm fall back to her side.

"I didn't know," she murmured awkwardly, after a pause. The corners of her mouth turned down again. "You really miss him, don't you? I mean, you two are so close, it's like you were brothers or something."

Seamus nodded, flushing slightly at the tips of his ears. "More than brothers," he muttered.

Unfortunately for him, Ginny had very good hearing, developed from years of eavesdropping so she wouldn't become victim of Fred and George's next prank. "Sorry, you mean you and Dean…?"

Now Seamus was blushing furiously. "I have told you this before… And before you ask, I'm not gay, it's just Dean. I have told you this before… usually at the same time as you're talking about Harry so that you don't hear."

The momentary lift in the mood lapsed, and the dimple disappeared from Seamus' cheek again. The thick Irish accent came back. "It's just, we share everything, but he's on the run from those Snatchers your brother was talking about on _Potterwatch_ and I can't help him and he can't send owls or anything, so I don't know where his is or if he's okay or even if he's _alive! _" His voice was full of a despair which Ginny hadn't heard there before, and she was suddenly very worried about him.

"Seamus, it'll be okay. Dean's tough, he's a fighter, there's no way he won't be coming back," she reassured him, secretly wondering if that was true. His tears were falling again, and Ginny wiped them away with her sleeve… the movement made her arm ache again, and the idea that this was going to be her life for the next year was suddenly more than she could bear.

"He broke up with me before he left, said he couldn't stand it if I was going to be beaten up at school because I was going out with a Muggle-born," Seamus added, corners of his mouth turning down. "He didn't even let me say anything, just left." _Now didn't that sound familiar…?_

And now Ginny and Seamus were both crying, new scars showing on their faces, hearts breaking in unison. Seamus stopped first, and pushed the hair out of Ginny's face. She looked up as the back of his hand stroked down the side of her cheek. Her soul was shredded, bare of all covering, as their lips met. Ginny knew this wouldn't heal her, but now she had someone else to be broken with instead of being alone in her misery.


	4. Kissing Draco

--_--__Today it all feels fine  
A sense of freedom fills your mind  
Can't think about tomorrow  
Just breathe the air inside  
And bring on back that lonely smile  
Can't think about tomorrow_

_Can't think about tomorrow...--_

Every single person on this planet has a way of dealing with hurt, with stress, with loss. For some, this is tears. Others choose fighting. Some talk, to a psychiatrist or to their friends. Some rise above it, seemingly oblivious. Some turn to drink or drugs, as a way to forget. Neville was the second sort. Luna, the fourth.

Ginny, although she'd never suspect this of a Weasley and least of all herself, turned out to be the last. When she'd finished fighting, she couldn't turn her hurts back out onto the world like Neville, instead turning them in on herself, running her soul ragged. Drink as a way to control this had been discovered after she'd found an illicit stash of Firewhiskey under a trapdoor under the carpet in the corner of the common room. She'd later discovered it was Seamus' to numb the pain of missing Dean. But that first time Ginny discovered it, she'd opened the bottle, and taken a gulp. A little while later, lying on the sofa in front of the fire, her problems had suddenly seemed much smaller.

She hid it from the rest of the DA. It wasn't their problem, that she saw Harry being killed every night in her dreams and woke up screaming. It wasn't their problem, that her so-called boyfriend hadn't let her come with him just so she could be sure that he was alright. It wasn't their problem that whenever Draco Malfoy was here in school (which was increasingly rare) she seemed to be at the receiving end of his vindictive streak. Most of the problem, however, was Harry, who she had loved for so long and let go so reluctantly; discovering that he thought of her as someone else who needed protecting. Did he never, not for a second, think that she could fight for herself or that she was as strong as he was?

So she would sneakily take a drink every time she'd had a harsh punishment, every time the Cruciatus curse was used on her, every time she remembered Harry, and soon it didn't matter at all that she missed him, because the other half of the time she couldn't remember or care less who he was.

Avoiding Seamus after their kiss had become awkward, so she'd decided to talk it out with him instead, which was when she'd discovered it was his stash. Ginny felt a pang for her ex-boyfriend, lost somewhere in some forest being chased down by Snatchers, and another for the boy she'd kissed, so lost in his own heart and occasionally exploding out to drag a few Slytherins down into his misery.

Neville looked at her differently when she was sitting with Seamus, and she realised that he thought she and Harry were still together. She explained that they'd broken up, but when she tried to explain her and Seamus' feelings of loss, he'd gently told her that making out with other people was not going to help heal her heart.

Did he never think that she fought better broken, a nervy bundle of energy which lashed out at whoever touched her?

The shadows were trailing her soul again as she wandered out to the Quidditch pitch in the rain a few weeks before Christmas and sat in the stands, ignoring her loneliness back into that dull ache that it was most of the time. She'd brought another bottle of Seamus' stash outside with her, and sat there getting gloriously drunk and forgetting everything, everything.

She heard movement, years, millennia later, and looked up. Her hair was glued to her face with the water, turned a nondescript brown colour and the curls straightening out under the weight of it. Mascara trails ran down her pale white cheeks and she felt alive in the thunderstorm, wishing the lightning would come and meet her in her seat. Maybe they could be friends? She held it in her soul, after all.

The boy standing in front of her coughed, but she continued to ignore him, looking up at the lighter coloured raindrops against their deep grey background. "Ginny Weasley _again_, breaking curfew and drinking on school grounds." She stared through him, uncaring- it was clear that Gryffindor weren't going to win the House cup this year, and anyway… what was his name again, that boy that had left her in this hellhole whilst he tried to save the world? He'd ruined this, broken her heart, lightning edges to her soul… something about him was lightning too, but not like her… it was a physical aspect, not who he was…

"Weasel?" Her arm was oddly slack and unresisting as he grabbed her hand to pull her up and drag her indoors. Normally she'd be fighting him every inch of the way, but now she was lost in herself, buried under pain… He had an odd moment of recognising himself in her, not even bothering to fight his father off as he was yet again punished for his failure last summer.

"Red?" That name usually got a rise out of her, but now she was just shivering with the loss, the cold, rain trickling down her throat, and even though he'd made himself impervious it wasn't stopping him feeling cold. "Right, you're coming to my room. Right now."

She watched, oddly distant, as Draco Malfoy dragged her towards the castle, her white hand in his white hand. It was hard to tell who was paler, although she felt it at the minute… How long had she been outside anyway? It felt like minutes, like hours…

She was bathed in golden warmth, must have entered the castle, although everything was oddly blurry and water was still in her eyes somehow… She was crying. Ginny Weasley was crying. She wiped away her tears furiously with the corner of her sleeve, in case they passed any of the DA. She was one of their leaders, and she couldn't afford to have them thinking she was weak. _But I am, I'm too weak, which is why I drown my sorrows in cheap Firewhiskey and thunderstorms._

Finally, a door in a wall, and then it had opened and closed behind her and she was safe from prying eyes. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Alone in the Head Boy's quarters…

He took out his wand, and she braced herself for the hurt, but instead suddenly felt her head clearing and her clothes drying on her. Okay, she wasn't completely sober, but she was no longer dead drunk. She could stand up without Malfoy holding her arm, without feeling like the world was swirling and confusion around her and she was about to be sick.

To her horror, she felt the tears return in her eyes, and the room became more blurry again as she struggled with the urge to cry. _It's just the alcohol… you don't cry, remember? No tears._ But in the end, Malfoy watching curiously from his seat at the end of his bed as her face contorted, she let out a single sob which broke the floodgates.

"It's not because of you," she hastened to assure him between sobs, able to feel that smirk even when she couldn't see it. "Stupid bloody Potter and his stupid fucking hero complex."

"My sentiments exactly. You don't usually find me crying about it though," Malfoy said amiably, causing her head to snap up and her tears to stop. Suddenly, the world was turning, round and about, and which way would it end up? He was being nice to her, or at least not actively horrible, and here they were in his rooms alone, and here he was with his ridiculously attractive chiselled face and those quicksilver eyes… "And your latest scheme- truly magnificent." He was referring to the graffiti they'd started writing on the wall where she'd daubed the Heir of Slytherin's messages in her first year. "Worthy of a Slytherin. Everyone's on edge, but there's no one they can blame for it." Round and about the world goes, and which way up will it end?

The world stopped spinning. Ginny righted herself, clutching on to Draco Malfoy for support. The world turned to a new course, and the reason it did so was the fact the Ginevra Weasley had pressed her small pink lips firmly against those of Draco Malfoy.

* * *

**a/n:**

Lyrics are Feeder: Forget About Tomorrow

Having been away so long (I hate U6) I've given you 2 chapters at once...


	5. Aftermath

"_I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly because you tread on my dreams." – W.B. Yeats_

After an intense moment, Malfoy put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her away. She was expecting disgust on his face, but the overriding emotion was surprise. The first thing he said was not complaint or a recrimination, but "What about stupid bloody Potter?"

"He broke it off before he left," Ginny told him, shaking her head uneasily and trying not to start crying again. What was Malfoy thinking? Was he pissed off with her, or had he enjoyed their brief kiss as much as she had? And what about Harry- but he hadn't thought about her that much, and if they were broken up she had every right to kiss his worst enemy.

"Excellent," he replied, looking every inch the arrogant, selfish Slytherin she'd expect him to be until he reached out and cupped her cheek in one of those white hands.

"But- you hate me! I'm a Gryffindor! And even if you don't actively dislike me—" Ginny said perversely. _I can't understand this, and I have to understand this before he kisses me again…._

"Do I hate you? Don't you remember when I tried to cast the Cruciatus on you? You intrigue me far more than anyone else in this school. It's like some kind of hunting bird has been trapped in a cage, and at the moment you're trying to get free…" Malfoy showed rather too much insight into her life- if she was that clear to read to him, then so was she to everyone else who knew her any more than he did, which was everyone. She liked to think she could retain some mystery; openness can get you hurt…

"I suppose. So why do you pretend? You don't really like Pansy, you thought that joke I made about her on the train was funny."

"What, accusing me of bestiality was funny?" Malfoy said, smirking as Ginny flushed slightly, although standing her ground. "But yes, she's always reminded me of an annoying, yappy pug."

Ginny was astonished to find Malfoy's opinions so in accordance with her own, at least on that subject. She decided that touching on his politics now probably would be the quickest way to end whatever they had going on here, so instead asked, "So why do you pretend to like her and the other Slytherins? I mean, now, I can see why, what with the Carrows and everything; but before, you could have—"

"What? Escaped their clutches?" Draco questioned scornfully. "You have no idea. Your family loves you unconditionally. With my father, the condition is that I'm a good Slytherin and a good Death Eater." His face looked cold, and Ginny suddenly felt very immature by comparison, despite the aging of loss. She'd nearly lost her father, nearly lost her brother… he'd never had them to begin with.

"I'm sorry," she responded quietly, looking down. What could she say? They didn't know each other at all, he was just the enemy who she'd happened to kiss, who'd just shared one of the fundamental aspects of his life. She couldn't help trying to take a look at his arm, which he saw.

"No, I don't have a Dark Mark, I'm not in the inner circle yet. A huge disappointment to my father, that was. I failed to kill Dumbledore." They were both remembering the funeral, though from different perspectives- Draco had been hidden behind a tree, avoiding what Potter would do to him if he dared show his face. Ginny had been sitting in the middle of the several rows of seats, head rested on Harry's shoulder. Both remembered the mournful song of the phoenix as the white tomb grew over the body, and Draco was surprised to feel a flickering of guilt, not an emotion he was accustomed to.

The few tears which Ginny had managed to hold back when thinking about Harry came spilling out when remembering that beautifully sad song. And Malfoy put his arm around her, and sat her down on his bed, and gently soothed her as the tears rolled down her face, actions somewhat unnatural to him and stilted.

She wiped the tears away, feeling slightly embarrassed. "I don't know why I'm crying on you. Sorry."

Draco smirked at her in a way which irritated the hell out of her, even if she secretly found it thrilling, and tossed his head mockingly. "My natural charm and dazzling good looks? Or just the fact that I'm not one of your annoyingly brave Gryffindors?"

That made Ginny giggle even if she was annoyed by it. "Yes, but I don't like you, and you don't like me, remember? In fact, I distinctly remember using my Bat Bogey Hex on you to great effect not that long ago."

Now Malfoy was flushing again, red contrasting nicely with his white-blond hair. Was he going to shout, or become icily, implacably cold? But in the end he did neither, instead complimenting her on the effectiveness of her favourite hex.

His arm was still around her- why was his arm still around her? And then she looked, and felt the thrumming of the connection between them, like casting the world's best Patronus; like the lightning in the torn edges of her soul was recognising the same in him. She looked into those unscrupulous, untrustworthy silver eyes, and realised that somewhere in them was her home.

Screw Potter, he'd abandoned her here. And the new Ginny he'd left behind, the ball of lightning who stormed at the world, she had found someone else who she had some chemistry with, and the magical thing was that she wasn't the only one succumbing to lust and loneliness.

Now those eyes were tantalising, teasing, and Ginny responded in the way she knew that they wanted her to. For the second time that evening, Ginny Weasley kissed Draco Malfoy, and immediately decided that this wasn't going to be a one-time thing. For one, there was the sinful way that his lips were moving against hers, and she was moaning in a way that she found almost embarrassing with Harry, but with Draco was completely intoxicating. Better, she could make him moan as well, and was looking forward to doing so again. But apart from that was the connection between the two of them, the fact that she was lonely even when surrounded by the crowd of the DA, and it almost felt like revenge.

In short, Draco Malfoy was completely perfect in all his arrogant pure-blooded Slytherin-ness, and she couldn't work out how she had never seen it before.

By the time she had finished with kissing Draco for the night, it was getting on for morning and she was nearly sober again. That didn't change how she felt when he looked down into her eyes by the door to his rooms: excited. She needed someone to kiss, and he was an _excellent_ kisser. And he wouldn't be expecting more.

"I'm going away tomorrow until after Christmas," Draco told her, and she could have sworn there was a look of disappointment in his eyes, although maybe that was just her seeing what she wanted to see.

She didn't ask why he was leaving early. She had a feeling that she really didn't want to know. "I'll be expecting my next detention when I get back in January then?"

He used his trademark smirk on her, and she knew that was a "yes".


	6. Secrets

--_Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth_

_Mid-sweet talk, newspaper cut-outs_

_Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you_

_You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit--_

The others had noticed Malfoy, the Head Boy, giving Ginny more detentions than ever when he was in school, but none of them had put this together with the times of the week when Ginny was calmest. She came back from detention almost serene. She was settled- she'd never thought she could do that, usually on edge and quivering, tense, waiting for the next strike.

Secrets were building up their walls around Ginny and protecting her from the world outside. The lies she told the others about her detentions with Draco scarcely stood when she came back with reddened lips and sated. The teachers had noticed that Draco had chosen Ginny Weasley specifically as his to punish, to the extent that Professor McGonagall was quite worried about the girl. However, whenever she asked Ginny if she was alright, the smile on the girl's face was quite alarming as she said that if it wasn't her it would only be someone else.

School persisted. The DA met frequently, performed their latest act of rebellion, and then dispersed, getting away with it more often than not. Training her fellow students, planning and execution of these plans took up so much of Ginny's spare time that it was no wonder she was failing in half her subjects, even allowing for the skewed marking scheme used by the pro-Slytherin teachers. In fact, she suspected that it was only because she was a Gryffindor that she was still receiving reasonable marks in Transfiguration, although she was certain she was passing Charms on her own merit.

The little spare time she did have was spent gazing listlessly at her homework- it seemed to belong to someone in another world. She was drinking less now that she had some way of putting her feelings out there again, although she still couldn't help herself on those nights where Draco was away and she wondered for the zillionth time where Harry could possibly be.

She revelled in the small secrets she could keep from the world- and those not so small. It was somehow more exciting to be sneaking around the corridors late at night near Draco's room waiting for him to give her a detention. And then came the day when she stopped waiting for this invitation to his rooms and knocked on his door uncertainly during his night off from Prefect duties.

"Who's there?" Draco's voice called out sharply from behind the thick door. He was being a Slytherin again tonight and Ginny suddenly wondered if this had been a huge mistake. She knew he was more broken than she was, knew he had to make an effort to pull it together on the nights that they met up… He spent days lashing out at people for no reason other than that they were there and looking at him and maybe they could see his soul.

He was terrified of anyone ever being able to read the real him behind the façade, and Ginny felt oddly honoured that he'd allowed her so far as she'd got, but his behaviour lately for a Gryffindor's- well, whatever they were; current partner for want of a better word- was completely unacceptable.

She put on a deep voice, and spoke a single word, shielding her face with the hood of her cloak in case anyone else came down this corridor who knew where his rooms were. "Retribution."

Draco pulled the door open, and shut it behind him quickly. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Ginny? I've got what amounts to a future Death Eaters' meeting going on in there, and you just come up to the door without a by-your-leave – you could have been killed for being near enough to hear. If they found out about us—"

"Don't bother," Ginny said, feeling old and sad and aching for that bottle of Firewhiskey again. This was the downside of secrets. This was why revenge didn't last. "Appearing as a good little Slytherin will always matter more to you than me." _This was ridiculous, they were just having a bit of fun! _She realised how harsh the words sounded as she spoke them, and hastened to mollify him slightly. "I do know it's a war, what we do is dangerous. But I don't want to have to wait to get a detention to come and see you." She allowed some of the old fire back into her eyes to warm her soul, and felt more Gryffindor again. The newer, colder Ginny had become almost so isolated as to change her red for green.

"It's a bad day?" Draco asked nonchalantly, looking up and down the corridor with a worried expression on his face. He wasn't really listening for an answer, but the fact that he'd asked showed a change in him that surprised her.

"It's always a bad day," Ginny said, feeling the dull ache inside whip up to a sharper pain that was somehow cleaner. This made less of a mess of her head, allowed her to think, shoot a curse straight and compassionless. "Today's just worse."

She took two fistfuls of his robe and pushed him back roughly against the concealed door, preventing those within from coming out to check. She noted how his usual vanity didn't flair up even with this maltreatment of his clothes. _What did that mean?_

What did anything mean?

The secret lightning connection of the two mirroring souls was open and pulsing outside the closed door. And what was she to do now, now he was mastered and breathing hard pressed against the wood of the door?

The healing kiss seared both their lips when it finally came, eyes meeting before in a shooting of heat, fierce and irrepressible. The sharing of secrets, soul shards, came and went in a hot movement of lips on lips, mouths opening and closing.

Now Ginny's breath came faster too. They were in this not-together, both as broken as each other. How could this not have been? The hood fell back from her hair, exposing her identity if anyone had been there to see. Then Draco pulled away, retreating behind the door without a whispered goodbye. Perhaps "Owl first" had been meant to stand in its place.

In the morning over breakfast, Neville received a letter from his grandmother. By nightfall, he was yet another secret that Ginny had to keep.

* * *

**a/n: **

Lyrics are from Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

Now it's Christmas and I've finished applying to uni you might even get regular updates... I hate to beg, but pretty please take a few seconds and review?


	7. Easter

The year was progressing swiftly. Ginny was looking forward to the time when this would all be over, and she would once again be welcome in her own school. Knowing Harry as she did, she suspected that by the end of the summer the battle would be over, whatever the outcome turned out to be. It was unthinkable that Harry would lose- the consequences for most of her fellow students would be dire.

It was thoughts like these that lead Ginny back to her bottle of Firewhiskey in favour of homework, or made her send an owl carrying a single word on a piece of parchment to Draco's rooms.

When she received back an owl telling her that the coast was clear she would run down to his rooms making an excuse of "target practice" to Seamus or anyone else who was in the Common Room with her. More and more the Gryffindors were meeting up in the Room of Requirement instead, so that they could be with their friends from the other houses and also keep Neville company. As he no longer had any lessons, he spent his time closing the loopholes in the requests made to the Room, and planning their next attacks on the Slytherins. She hated to think what he'd end up doing over the holidays.

But when Ginny said she was going out for target practice, with that dangerous sparking look in her eyes, people knew better than to get in her way. Was it only last week that she'd used _Levicorpus_ on Cho when she stood in the way of the door? And even Seamus had to admit that hexing Slytherins was a much better use of her anger than drowning it in Firewhiskey.

The word "retribution" got her in through the door as well as being the codeword in her owl, and then she was in Draco's arms and she wasn't quite sure that she ever wanted to leave, and Harry didn't exist for her until she left his rooms again. They talked sometimes, about what they were missing and what it would have been like to grow up without losing people you loved to a Killing Curse. Ginny tried to get Draco to spy for their side, to help the Order of the Phoenix and be forgiven, but he never did. His terror of Lord Voldemort was too great.

And then there was the kissing, lots and lots of kissing. Even as they knew that in the end this wouldn't solve anything, and that she would go back to Harry when he came back because that was what she had to do, the simple act of placing lips on lips was saving her. Saving him too, if he'd only admit it. Ginny wasn't quite sure why doing this- to an extent, betraying and being revenged on Harry- felt so right, but she wasn't going to argue.

And now it was the last day of the Spring term, and they were all going home for a fortnight over Easter. Normally, most people stayed at Hogwarts, preparing feverishly for the exams that would start at the end of the holiday, but not this year. This year, the entire length of the red steam train was needed to take all the returning students home, just as it had been at Christmas.

Ginny passed her Galleon on to Seamus when she left. His home in Ireland was too much of a journey for him to return, and although she'd offered him a room at the Burrow he'd declined. With the Galleon he could at least plan a few attacks with the remaining DA students over the holidays, and keep Neville company.

Ginny sat with Luna on the train. Draco had been absent from school for most of the two weeks leading up to the holidays, and had therefore missed any chance of saying goodbye to her. The Weasley family's involvement in the resistance movement was becoming more and more obvious and Ginny suspected that even if she did return from the Easter holidays she would shortly be joining Neville in the Room of Requirement.

Luna was gazing dreamily out of the window when she let loose a small squeal. "There's an owl outside the window, and it looks _evil_!" Luna told her as Ginny's head snapped round to look.

There was indeed a large white owl with hooded, malevolent eyes and a cruelly curved beak effortlessly keeping up with the train outside the compartment window. Ginny recognised it- Draco always threw a cloth over its cage as she entered his room, saying that it felt like his father was watching him disapprovingly. The letter tied to its leg was also written in Draco's familiar script. She stretched her hand out of the window to retrieve the letter, receiving several scratches that she was sure weren't accidental before she managed to get a hold of it. The owl seemed to like blood traitors as little as the rest of the Malfoy family.

The note was short and to the point. _Last compartment on the left._

Ginny could feel her face colouring as Luna looked quizzically at her, her radish earrings tipping to the side with her head. "Is that from that boy you keep going to meet?" Luna asked in her dreamy voice.

For someone who seemed as completely away with the fairies as Luna appeared to be, she was very observant, Ginny thought, wincing inwardly. Did Luna know who she was going to meet?

"How long have you known?" she asked, her throat suddenly dry.

"Oh, not that long. But whenever you go on 'target practice' I noticed that the Slytherins don't get hurt until much later. And you always send an owl beforehand as well. So I just wondered what you did in the time between, and I thought it had to be a boy," Luna finished, and went back to staring at the hillside out of the window.

"Do you know who?" Ginny asked, heart in her mouth. If Luna knew, then they could both be in danger. And of course Draco, in the event that Luna was taken away, would be the next to find out.

"No," Luna said, silvery voice drifting again as she focused on a patch of nothing outside the window. _Probably a Nargle, _Ginny thought thankfully.

"Good. I'm going to be away for a little while, will you be alright?"

Luna only nodded absently as Ginny left the compartment and headed towards the rear of the train. The opposite end from the Prefects' carriage, Ginny noted. None of the other Slytherins would make their way down here.

She knocked and pulled open the door to the last compartment on the left, which had the curtains drawn over the windows despite its being dark enough with the storm clouds outside anyway.

Draco was sitting there with the evil owl back in its cage, and on Ginny's arrival he draped his cloak over it. No greetings were exchanged, no words at all, as Ginny collapsed on the floor next to him and blindly pressed her lips to his. The state of readiness buzzing within her, always being alert and prepared for the next attack, nerves stretched to breaking point, drifted away in a manner that was entirely more pleasant than being drunk off Firewhiskey.

They spent most of the remainder of the train journey sightlessly learning each other on the floor of the compartment behind the locked door. Their usual kissing gave way to touch, Draco showing a gentle brutality that it was beyond Ginny to describe. He was harsh, but at the same time so careful of her, without being so protective that she felt she couldn't touch him too.

Finally they sat, Ginny's body draped heavily over Draco's with her head on his shoulder. He was allowing her to feel the full weight of his arm around her in a way that Harry never had, _but why was she thinking about Harry when she was here? _They told each other what had happened, what was going to happen, without words. Ginny knew that he was not brave enough to fight for the Order of the Phoenix openly yet. He knew that she might not be available after Easter, and that he would have to cope with being broken by himself.

They exchanged no goodbyes, only a handclasp which was the same as any time he'd held Pansy's hand over the past seven years. Between them, that was enough.

It was only after he'd left the compartment, and she'd learnt everything that he hadn't spoken by heart, that she realised he'd passed something to her in that last handclasp, which had dropped to the floor as she sat back to think.

In a small box there was a bracelet made of gold with a single green stone set in the chain. A card was under the backing that the bracelet was laid out on:

_Happy Easter_

_Keep fighting_

When she'd managed to clasp the bracelet around her wrist, she returned to the compartment she'd been sharing with Luna. Her friend wasn't there.

When Luna still hadn't returned as the train pulled in to King's Cross, Ginny began to be worried. What if they'd taken Luna?_ No, I'm sure that she was just talking to some of the other Ravenclaws._ But there was no time to search, as the Prefects hurried them all off the train. Draco looked coldly down his nose at her as he ushered her out of her carriage, smirking as she pulled back her sleeve and he saw she wore his bracelet.


	8. The Burrow

_--This years love had better last  
Heaven knows it's high time  
And I've been waiting on my own too long--_

Ginny was swept up in her mother's arms off the platform, shaking her sleeve down to cover the new bracelet on her wrist. Then her brothers were there taking her trunk and ushering her to the car- Fred and George surrounding her and Charlie carrying her trunk effortlessly in one hand. There were no Ministry-lent cars this time, instead a Ford Anglia even more run down than their previous one (Ginny supposed that her father hadn't got round to tinkering with it in the garage yet).

Her mother was the most outwardly affected by her return- "Ginny, you're so thin! Have you been eating?" It made her sad to see that the new look in her eyes had her mother briefly cowed, as if the lightning in her soul was dominant over her mother's warmth. _I'm sorry, Mum. In a war you can't help but to grow up._

But it wasn't just in her mother's fussing over her worn-down appearance. It was in the fact that all of her brothers who had been available had come to pick her up from the station, Charlie even coming back from his beloved dragons in Romania a day early just to see his little sister before he got his new Order assignment. It was in the way that when they were all satisfactorily stuffed in the car, Pig's cage digging uncomfortably into George's leg, her father turned round from the front seat to say "We missed you, Ginny."

She felt herself welling up slightly at that, and a hint of guilt at the fact that she hadn't missed them at all, hadn't thought about them much of the time that she was away except as possibly bearing the consequences of her latest prank. The only letter she'd written home during the whole term had been one thanking them for her Easter gifts. _Was this growing up?_

With every mile they drove she could feel herself becoming less her new self, more the old Ginny that her mother and Harry would recognise. More dutiful, more obedient, less scarred, and minus a handful of Firewhiskeys stashed in her trunk. It was as if she was un-growing, becoming smaller to fit the role that her family had set out for her.

And then they were at home, back at The Burrow, and she headed up to her sky-blue room and stood in the place where she'd last kissed Harry and felt home. But at this same time the room was too small for her, reminding her of the innocent girl she'd been before the holidays, before she became the front line.

Where had this started, this growing up? Well, she supposed having the young Lord Voldemort in your head wasn't a picnic by any eleven year old girl's standards, but she'd been fairly normal up until the end of Fifth Year, she was sure. She'd been someone different when Harry had finally fallen for her. She'd felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be at last receiving her dream, even after she'd become one of the more popular girls in her year and had dated Dean and Michael. The fighting at the end of Fourth Year she'd thought made her older, but it turned out to merely show how naïve she had been compared with that at the end of Fifth Year and Dumbledore's death.

No, the thing that had made her oldest, she was sure, was the continued tension that was her day to day life under the regime at school. She didn't like to believe that it was Draco that had made her feel like this, feel this old. Being older was predominantly _sad._

She was standing in the same place where she had been with Harry before, but she was different now. How was she going to be with him now? Would he even recognise the new her? She still loved him, the way she had ever since she had first met him before, and that had deepened and changed over time, but at this minute whenever she thought of him all she could feel was worry and anger that he wouldn't take her with him or at least allow it to be known that they were together. Was he not fully aware by this time that she was perfectly capable of looking after herself?

The room pinched like outgrown clothes and brand new school shoes. It was a chrysalis which the Ginny-butterfly couldn't escape, cocooned in love and care and admiration. The only crack she had found, which allowed her out to be herself for a while, was at school and most especially with Draco.

She was sixteen. She was almost an adult. But to her parents she would always be their youngest child, and she couldn't escape that fact.

The time she spent with her family in the Burrow was mostly spent outside in the garden, talking to her older brothers but most particularly Charlie. Because he'd been away, he hadn't seen the stages of the gradual change in Ginny, so was in a way finding it easier to accept the new person that she was. She told him everything about her Sixth Year so far, barring of course Draco, and he sat there and listened and wasn't shocked and reminded her oddly of her part-time _something _(she was still yet to decide exactly what Draco was).

She helped her mother with the chores and listened to her father as he had his head stuck under the bonnet of the new old car. She talked with her brothers about new ideas for _Potterwatch_, which the DA had listened to avidly every time it was on. She also managed to successfully avoid being the test subject for some of their new products- she still had an oddly shaped mark on her left elbow after having to remove some feathers from the prototype Canary Creams, held on with what appeared to be a Permanent Sticking Charm. Nothing Fred or George could ever say to her would convince her that it had been an accident. And all of this was part of being older.

And then came the news that Harry had been captured and was being held at Malfoy Manor with Ron and Hermione, and everything suddenly got very rushed and very serious and they had to move out to Great-Aunt Muriel's rather quickly in the face of an advancing horde of Death Eaters. It wasn't until later that she found out that Draco had lied about knowing her friends and her brother, and wondered if this was her influence over him or simply his act of rebellion against the Dark Lord.

As they left the Burrow, watching the white-masked intruders come swooping in round the wards as they left on broomsticks, Ginny swore she could see half the garden exploded in multi-coloured plumes of ink. She looked quizzically at Fred and George behind her mother's back.

"Don't look at us, dear sister. Dad asked us to booby-trap in the event of Voldy dearest's discovering our smallest brother's collusion with Golden Boy," Fred said, whilst George laughed at their mother clinging onto her Cleansweep Seven for dear life- Molly was not one of nature's fliers.

For what felt like the umpteenth time, Ginny wondered why she couldn't go with Harry. But for the first time she wondered what was taking him so long. What was he doing that required most of a school year to complete and two helpers (now Ron had returned)? Surely if he was merely fighting Voldemort this would all be over by now? The effects of two weeks' straight sobriety had her questioning Harry once again. What was he doing that was so secret he couldn't tell her?

Why was she thinking this now? Flying for your life to your evil Great-Aunt's house was not the best time to start up a new craving for Firewhiskey, especially when you suspected that you'd left your last bottle under the floorboards under your bed and not in the Hogwarts trunk currently strapped to the back of your ailing broomstick.

Aunt Muriel's greeting of "Ginevra! Is that skirt really considered _decent?_" was enough to inform her that her stay at this house was going to be simply delightful. She missed Draco.

**a/n:**

Lyrics are David Gray, "This Year's Love".

There you go: two whole chapters, I only hope that makes up for how long it took me...


	9. The Last Meeting

_-There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon  
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon-_

The morning after they arrived at Aunt Muriel's, Draco sent Ginny a letter, containing a single word.

_Retribution._

At first she wasn't sure how to respond. After all, her brother was being held captive at Draco's house, and his family had sent the Death Eaters after her. But then if she blamed Draco for the faults of his family, she was guilty of generalising as much as Voldemort with his opinions on half-bloods and Muggleborns, surely? Even if Draco had done slightly more to bear this out…

In the end it was oddly Aunt Muriel who made up her mind. She had found out about Ginny's romance with the Boy Who Lived through the usual family channels, and started animadverting in a nasal voice about how she felt it was unlikely that Ginevra dearest with her sad want of propriety would be able to hold on to a boy for long. Hadn't Harry's running away proved that?

Having lived through quarter of an hour of that sort of torture after having escaped the Death Eaters the previous afternoon and getting minimal sleep as well as the tension of having three of the people dearest to her in the whole world in captivity, Ginny felt she was entitled to a little something. Seeing as she had been proved correct in her lack of cheap Firewhiskey usually so helpfully provided by Seamus, Draco it had to be.

_I'm at Muriel Weasley's. There's a field at the bottom of the garden._

He was there within fifteen minutes, barely giving her time to put on some mascara and change into a nicer skirt. She didn't want to think about why she was bothering, feeling it came a little too close to the bone to be doubting her own loyalty before noon.

She opened the gate at the bottom of the garden and used one of Bill's charms to sneak out silently through the wards. Her blond-haired - well, she supposed by now they were at least friends- was waiting in the centre of the field, looking slightly confused.

"This is your new, hidden location, Red? It took me all of two minutes to find this place in a book of old Wizarding families," he snapped, purposely using the nickname that he knew irritated her immensely.

Ginny sighed, and crossed her arms, attempting to look down her nose at Draco. Unfortunately, given the eight inches in height difference she was forced to give it up. "Don't be an idiot. I'm a Secret Keeper for this place. You'd never have found it if I hadn't told you where I was." At that, some of the angry sparking seemed to go out of Draco's grey eyes, and Ginny took the time to look at him more thoroughly. He was shaking, and bore a new scar on his face. His throat and both wrists were bruised. "Wait, what happened to you?"

"You mean _who, _and I'm fairly sure you can guess. I lied about knowing who Pothead and Co. were, and then they escaped this morning. As you may imagine, the Dark Lord is not best pleased with me. I can't stay long; I just thought you might like to know."

Ginny felt a wave of relief wash over, releasing the tension she had been under since learning of the capture last night. "Thanks, Ferret. Any news on anyone else?"

"They took Lovegood off the train whilst we were _distracted_, but she and Dean Thomas escaped with Golden Boy," Draco said, glowering at the use of his less-than-flattering nickname in retaliation for her own.

Knowing that everyone she loved was safe and well was a huge relief to Ginny. That was, excepting one person. She could feel her wand in her pocket, and she itched to heal the bruises on his neck. It would just take a simple charm…

"Don't heal me," he muttered, seeing the direction her eyes were turning. "They'll know that I've been somewhere then, and as you can imagine I'm not exactly supposed to be here. I've slipped out of a Death Eater meeting, and you don't do that lightly. But I thought you might like to know about your brother."

"Not about Harry?" Ginny questioned mildly, feeling giggles of relief rising in her throat and having to choke them down at Draco's latest glower.

"You've changed… you're more how you used to be. Are you happy here?" Draco asked suddenly. It seemed unlike him to be concerned after her welfare at all, let alone noticing minute details in her character.

"Only in that I'm not on edge the whole time. I'm older than this place will let me be. But I can't go back to school," she told him, feeling the bubble of joy burst allowing her lightnings free rein again. The older, sadder Ginny was returning.

"So the bird is ever more tightly caged. I wonder what will happen when you're set free, Ginevra."

But before she could snap at him for using that detestable name, he kissed her firmly and Apparated away, leaving the taste of summer on her lips.

When she got back into the house, Bill was there. "I've just told the family- Harry, Ron and Hermione are at Shell Cottage with Luna Lovegood and Dean Thomas. They're safe, at least for now."

Ginny had to work hard to produce the relieved face she knew her family expected.

The days passed in routine fashion through April, Death Eater attacks gaining frequency. Seamus sent her a letter thanking her for her owl letting him know that Dean was safe, and informing her that he too was now hiding with Neville in the Room of Requirement, so shouldn't really write any more. She gathered from this and a letter enclosed from Neville that more and more people were hiding there as the Prefects' response to any rule-breaking became more and more brutal.

It was an Indian summer, the sort of summer which you remember for years afterwards with the smell of hot grass and the taste of salt and sand and wind on your lips; entirely incongruous with the state of affairs between the two halves of the Wizarding world. Remus came to tell them all about the birth of Teddy, his son. He brought no news, no letter from Harry for her, not even a "hello". It was a few days later that they discovered that Harry had left Shell Cottage along with Ron and Hermione, taking the Gringotts goblin who had also been imprisoned with them.

Was she of that little importance? He was so close, he must _know_ that she'd find out he was here, and yet he didn't even send her a simple letter?

She longed for her bottle of Firewhiskey again, so instead owled Draco the word _retribution._

He had come from school, that much was evident from the robes and the way his hair was neatly combed back. As had become usual between them, no word was spoken until he'd found her desperate lips with his own. The touches and kisses were building up a haven for them as they sank down together in the long grass away from prying eyes.

"He was right there, and he didn't bother to get a message to me," Ginny said, nipping gently at Draco's ear as she hissed the words into it, unspoken. _I need to be with you right now._

"They've broken into Gringotts. The battle will be soon," Draco told her, talking on a tangent, a new line away from what they were both really saying. _I'm worried about what will happen to you._

"Join us, _please._ Fight with us," Ginny told him. _I'm worried about you too._

"You know that I can't. My family, Ginny. He scares me." _Don't try and protect me, it will only hurt you._

It felt wrong to be talking about such things in a humming field full of crickets on a beautiful May afternoon slowly turning to dusk. It felt wrong that the sun was gently warming their backs and everything seemed sweet and sharp as their hands moved over each other in the cover of their shadows. Ginny decided that enough was enough, that the thought needed to go to its logical conclusion and end there.

"I don't want to die." There, it was out there, said, acknowledged. She might die. She was sixteen, young and _so_ ready to live, and come the battle she might die.

"Neither do I," Draco said quietly, turning to her and putting all his fear and loneliness and anguish into the passion-filled red kiss that printed her lips.

After a few minutes, or what might have been hours or indeed several centuries, the sparks stopped flowing between them and Ginny remembered how to breathe. "I'm sorry I've been using you to get revenge on Harry and to try and make myself feel better." _In case this is the last time I ever see you._

"I'm sorry I've been using you to try and redeem myself and because I was intrigued," he responded in kind. _In case this is the last time I ever see you._

"Is this it?" Ginny pondered out loud, lying back and staring up at the sun, shirt riding up to expose a patch of skin above her right hip. _Is this really the last time we'll ever be together? Is this all we can say?_

A shadow came over her face, and she felt a glorious pressure on her body as Draco lay on top of her, supporting just enough of his weight on his arms that she could breathe but still feel him-_ she needed to feel him._

"There could be more." He looked unsure and young again, and then she let out the lightning from where it had been hidden for the past month and it filled her eyes and swamped her soul again and she wondered how she'd ever existed without it. She felt her eyes grow huge and wanting, meet his, and then there was the same spark in both of them.

_Spark enough to light a fire_. And so, in the field behind Ginny's Great-Aunt's house, in the calm before the storm whilst the rest of the world planned war; along with her friend the enemy, Ginny burned.

**a/n:**

Lyrics are Iron and Wine's Passing Afternoon


	10. The Last Battle

_-__Today it all feels fine  
A sense of freedom fills your mind  
Can't think about tomorrow  
Just breathe the air inside  
And bring on back that lonely smile  
Can't think about tomorrow...-_

He had left, imprinting his touch on her skin and his kiss on her lips, and she lay back too much one with the ground to pull her shirt back on. She remembered him, warm and real and serious and both clinging onto life with whatever they had left in them. The taste of summer on his skin, the way his touch burned to her bones and ran with the quicksilver and the lightning in her blood.

He'd only noticed her a year ago, noticed the red kite in the cage, desperate to get to hunting.

She felt guiltless. She hadn't betrayed Harry. She didn't love him any the less for what she had done. It was wartime, and in war certain things were different. In Muggle Studies (the first time she'd taken it, before dropping it out of sheer boredom) she'd learnt about how the Second World War had affected society, and had read up on it in her spare time. In war, morals went out the window. As long as you won through no one cared how you did so.

She expected that it would be difficult to explain. What wasn't these days? As long as they won, though, who was to care that she had gained her courage through an act which would in normal times be considered quite immoral and extremely out of character? Except this was in character, this was the new her. Making love in desperation, trying to find some peace and some hope. Clinging on to the ultimate act of life in a futile struggle against the possibility of death.

Voices were calling from the gate. "Ginevra, are you out there? You know you're not supposed to go beyond the wards!"

She pulled her shirt on and stood up, hurrying over to her Great-Aunt with what she hoped was a suitably repentant expression on her face. "There's fighting at Hogwarts. Your brothers refuse to listen to reason and insist on going to join in. Maybe you can persuade them?"

There was a miniature council of war going on in the kitchen- her DA Galleon lay on the table, forgotten. So Neville had let her know when the fighting began after all. Her parents had already left to go to the Order, and Great Aunt Muriel was having a violent argument with Fred and George, physically blocking the door and preventing them from leaving. Ginny hastily ran upstairs, changed into a more suitable pair of jeans which didn't look as though she'd spent the afternoon in a field with someone entirely inappropriate, and then sprinted down again to join in the fray.

In her Aunt's first pause for breath, she threw in calmly, "We're all going. Stop wasting time."

Her Aunt turned to her, drew herself up to her full height, and—

Stopped at the lightning and the fierce expression on Ginny's face. "Our friends are in there. We're all needed. Let's go."

Her brothers looked livid, but nodded curtly in the direction of their Aunt.

"Ginevra, you must promise to stay out of the way of the fighting," she ordered, shaking her head crossly at the trio.

Was it lying if you only nodded?

So it was time. It was war. Ginny led the way back out into the meadow to Apparate wishing for a fortifying gulp of Firewhiskey. The ground remembered her.

Ginny had never taken an Apparation test, but she didn't suppose that mattered hugely right now. She landed on target in Hogsmeade, inside the Hog's Head which they'd been reliably informed held a secret passageway into Hogwarts. Her brothers nodded to the proprietor, saying "Aberforth" shortly as they passed on the way to the open picture frame.

It was a long crawl into the Room of Requirement, but it was worth it- Ginny fell out of the hole straight into Neville and Luna's arms, closely followed by a one-armed hug from Seamus who came running over with Dean. All watched very carefully by a certain Saviour of the Wizarding World. She grinned at him and noted how tired he seemed, and then got out of Fred and George's way- it appeared that in the time she had left them alone in the bar they'd managed to meet up with their old friend Lee.

She let the talking wash over her and pondered ancient artefacts and why Harry thought he could beat Lord Voldemort using Ravenclaw's diadem. She surfaced briefly when Cho offered to take Harry to the Ravenclaw Common Room, feeling a familiar snake of jealousy bite her heart sharply. "Luna will take Harry, won't you, Luna?"

It seemed that even after nine months' separation and his change into someone with lines etched into his face and indefinable age in his eyes she still knew him as her own. She let things drift again, quietly catching up with all her old friends as more and more old DA members and members of the Order came through the Hog's Head and in to the Room of Requirement. The full complement of Harry's old Quidditch team held an impromptu meeting in one corner of the Room, whilst the Order occupied another. And in between, most of the Seventh and Sixth Years from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw. She suspected that her two enterprising brothers were behind most of this- having discovered her coin, they would of course have used it to let everyone else know too.

Harry came back to the Hall quarter of an hour later to announce that they were all fighting now and should meet in the Great Hall. Her mother immediately began to berate her brothers for bringing her, informed her that she was underage, and refused absolutely to let her take any part in the fighting whatsoever. What was worse was that not only _all_ her brothers but also Harry seemed to be agreeing with them, no matter how fervently or fairly she argued.

And then Percy showed up. Ginny could hear Fleur and Professor Lupin talking too loudly in the background, but her eyes were locked on her brother, the black sheep of the Weasley family, who was apologising and shouting and now her mother was crying and everything seemed to be happening somewhere where Ginny wasn't.

Percy was the one who led the Weasley family up the stairs towards the door and the Great Hall, and Ginny managed to work herself into the middle of the family gathering and start walking along with them, trying to make herself seem as inconspicuous as possible. But then she heard her mother shouting "Ginny!" and knew that it had been in vain. Yet again she was being protected from something she didn't need protecting from, and she felt the rage rising in her, prepared to show it to her mother and win through that way—

And then Professor Lupin suggested she stay in the Room of Requirement, and her father agreed, and she knew that there was no way she would ever be able to go and fight for her family, for her friends, to get rid of this unwanted ache inside her chest. The others left, and she and Harry were alone in the Room of Requirement. She turned to him, ready to persuade him that he should let her fight, but even then he was more worried about where Ron and Hermione were, and then he left as well and she was alone and shut away down here as surely as if they'd chained her.

As the hour wore on Tonks joined her, and Neville's grandmother. Both seemed highly concerned about the whereabouts of the men in their life. The apology tasted bitter in her mouth as she told them that she had no idea, because she hadn't been allowed out of the Room.

The Trio returned, Hermione's arms now full of fangs which Ginny found to be strangely familiar… _Basilisk fangs._

Having told the two women where they could find Professor Lupin and Neville, Harry looked at her. There were no mysteries in his eyes, no secrets, as he asked her to leave the Room. So he was letting her fight?

Well she wasn't going to argue with him, sprinting up the stairs after Tonks in the hope that she could later plead deaf to his cries of "You've got to come back in!"

There was never going to be an end to his protecting her, was there? Leopards, so the Muggles had it, did not change their spots. And she was so different to the girl he'd tried to care for at the beginning of last summer, and she could see the change in him…

She ran to the first window next to Tonks, and started shooting hexes through a broken pane into the crowd of Death Eaters below.

Harry, Ron and Hermione had come out of the Room behind her, and now Aberforth was running past shouting something about Remus and Tonks had turned pale and was running along behind him no matter how she reassured her. Harry told her to keep out of the way, and she was sure he didn't mean it the way it came out, but she had no intention of letting that stop her from finding a completely different part of the battle far away from anyone who would try and stop her from fighting.

Somehow she had made her way out into the grounds, avoiding Dolohov who fell forward in her wake. She turned round and looked for her saviour and there was Draco, who saluted before heading back into the fray; and there was a short, grey-haired man in front of her. She didn't know who he was, but his sleeve slipped as he moved towards a frightened Ravenclaw who was actually two months older than her, and showed her the Dark Mark. That was reason enough.

After that had been taken care of and another opponent had taken his place, there was the girl to comfort and a moment to worry about Draco who she hadn't seen since he'd left her in the battle only a few hours ago. It felt like a lifetime.

A Dementor was in front of her, and it wasn't the first time that Harry had kissed her that she remembered as she cast her Patronus, but instead a paler boy with burning grey eyes pulling his shirt off in front of her as she felt the sun on bare skin.

She led the girl back to the Great Hall, and then Voldemort's voice boomed in, telling them that Harry had died whilst running away and that they should stop fighting now. The day was so confused that Ginny almost believed it for a moment and hated him, but then Draco of all people was in front of her, shaking his head, truth in those quicksilver eyes.

And then his body was brought in, and if she'd thought the knowledge of his death was pain, seeing the proof was infinitely worse. The shard of ice which seemed to have plunged into her heart left her breathless, senses swimming, and she dimly felt that somewhere miles away Luna had glared at Draco fiercely and was now supporting her body as she slowly drowned.

In the distant present, Neville was shouting and then he'd got Gryffindor's sword out of the Sorting Hat- only where had that come from?- and then he'd beheaded the snake and now fighting had broken out again. Bellatrix Lestrange was behind her and she called on the lightning that had made up her soul for the past year, and begged it to be part of her for one last time… Killing Curses were shooting at her indiscriminately, and Luna and another girl were there to help, she didn't dare look long enough to find out who, and then her mother swept all three out the way and shouted at her.

Sometime in Bellatrix's screaming back, she mentioned Fred.

"What happened to Fred?" she yelled to Hermione, fighting next to her.

"Ginny, I'm so sorry, he—"

She knew what the next word was going to be, but right then Bellatrix fell and Voldemort pointed his wand at her mother and Harry suddenly reappeared from nowhere and cast a Shield Charm.

Stunned silence. Ginny dropped to her knees.

How could he be alive? She'd seen his body! And now he was taunting Voldemort, and they were circling each other, casting deadly looks.

And Avada Kedavra went up against Expelliarmus, and Harry deftly caught the Elder Wand that she'd heard about in fairytales when she was younger in his left hand and watched as the body of their enemy crumpled to the floor. It was over.

It was over.


	11. Reunion With Harry

-_You are my sweetest downfall_

_I loved you first, I loved you first-_

Ginny ran to hug Harry, congratulate him, acknowledge him, but he merely met her eyes for a brief moment and then looked away. Fred's body was brought in, and she sat next to it and allowed herself to own her brother's death and Harry's life. He sat alone, apart in the crowds in the Great Hall, and this time Luna beat her to it to go and meet him, and what was she going to say anyway?

She watched as he vanished again, safe in her mother's arms with tears trickling down her face as she mourned the loss of Fred, Tonks, Lupin…

_Now_ what she had done- was it really yesterday? - felt like a betrayal.

It took an entire day of cleaning up and making sure the castle was actually structurally stable, a trip home to see how the Burrow had faired, and a brief visit to Great Aunt Muriel to reassure her that they would be out of her hair as soon as possible. Of reconciling with Percy, seeing Dean and Seamus properly reunited, catching up with Luna, and avoiding the quicksilver eyes of a certain blond Slytherin.

That evening she was back in the Gryffindor Common Room with her old friends, and it felt like old times again. They were all staying to help with the clean-up operation, using their magic to make sure that the school they all loved was there for them to come back to. And now Harry was walking over to her, offering her his hand again. "Can we go for a walk?"

They headed down to the lake, the scene of their love story played out in her Fifth Year to an appreciating audience. Ginny looked sidelong at the man whose hand she was holding, and half-saw a stranger. She wanted to bridge this silence with words, but didn't know how. And then she would remember Fred, never at a loss for something to say, and then she was sinking again.

"I've missed you. Haven't stopped thinking about you all year if I'm honest. How have things been?"

_And the fact you have to ask is what makes me wonder, _Ginny thought. "As well as can be expected when you factor in Death Eaters and Dark Arts lessons and some idiot with messy black hair refusing to let me fight with him!" Her voice had risen to a shout on the last words. He had the grace to flush.

"I just wanted to protect you, to see you safe, so I could concentrate on fighting without worrying what they were doing to you," he explained, beginning to sound flustered as Ginny's glare grew truly stupendous.

"What makes you think I need protecting? How hard is it to understand that I needed to be out there fighting with my family and my friends so that I could know that if they died it wasn't going to be my fault?" she shouted, and was ashamed to find herself bursting into tears._ And why is it that I have to explain myself to you like some recalcitrant child?_

"But it wouldn't _be _your fault. It isn't your fault. You aren't blaming yourself for Fred's death, are you?" he asked, now sounding truly panicky.

She hadn't even thought about doing so before. It was amazing how he could make her feel so much better than she had before. "Don't be stupid. I blame the Death Eater that killed him."

"Good," Harry said.

"Good," she responded.

And then there was quiet again, and she suddenly realised that she'd said everything there was to say, and she was simply too different from how she was before for this ever to work.

Yes, he had the world to save, but he always had the world to save. When you're saving the world you can't think of one person, because that one person has to live in the world somewhere. She could never come first with him, would never be his first love or his best love behind danger and freedom and fighting for everything.

What would Harry be without anything left to fight? Having fought for so long, was there anything in Harry which had grown up to do anything different? Where had he been, when she was sick and lonely and drinking far too much? What would he have done?

She had been ready to go over the edge, to sink and be waving so no one could see how she was drowning, but the thing was that Draco had seen before it had even happened. War does terrible things to a person, terrible and unforgettable things. Grown men wake screaming, children grow up with something _different_ about them. Ginny could no longer be ordinary. Draco's distance from people made him as cold as an iceberg. She knew how to deal with that, knew how to be close because she didn't know where too close was with him any more.

And Harry had tried, he really had, but they'd had such different experiences and it had been Draco who'd helped her through all the difficulties of the year. Draco had been understanding, had helped her hide what happened between them.

Being broken and never quite fixed with Draco- if there was a possibility of a _with Draco_- was better than hiding her scars so that she could be with Harry. Draco who understood her new, strange addiction to Firewhiskey and the way a soul torn from its soulmate for too long can be broken. Did he know it could find a new one who matched its new lightning edges better?

"I think it's better that we leave things as they are," Ginny told Harry, when it became clear he was not going to fill the growing silence. "You've changed, so have I. Maybe I was never who you thought I was in the first place. It doesn't matter. I won't get back together with you, Harry. I don't need protecting any more."

She let him see the lightning in her new, mended soul, the tears which had welcomed the lightning in now holding it there. Harry Potter, who'd faced down the Dark Lord nearly every year since he'd joined Hogwarts, who'd spent the whole of his Seventh Year on some horrifying quest to defeat Voldemort, backed away from her. The cage door opened; the bird flew free.

Maybe this was a cruel time to be breaking up with him for good, but when would there ever be a better? Today there were the dead. Soon there would be the funerals, the rebuilding, the Sixth Year she was sure she would have to retake without Colin Creevey by her side… And she had lost as much as he had- she had seen him dead.

She didn't hear Harry calling, "Ginny, wait—" after her. She was already running back up to the castle.

It was a week later. Things between Harry and Ginny had settled in an uneasy equilibrium that was steadily becoming more comfortable as they both got used to being just friends and Ginny realised frequently at inopportune moments how much further she had to fall with Draco.

He was working with Hermione on the repairs in an attempt to foster inter-House unity- Ron had only agreed to this under duress. Ginny was working with Luna. During mealtimes he would come and sit with the group and he and Ginny would try to hide the fact that they had known each other before, and instead savour the good and the joyous things about each other that war had stopped them from learning.

He had given his owl back to his father to take home with him to Malfoy Manor. His arm was still mercifully free of the Dark Mark. His favourite subject was, oddly, Arithmancy instead of Potions. He liked strawberries and summer and meadows and secrets… but at that point Ginny had got up claiming a need to speak to an unspecified friend sitting at another table, cheeks furiously red as Draco smirked wickedly after her.

And now it was breakfast time on her birthday, so she had come downstairs wearing Great-Aunt Muriel's watch having already gorged herself on the sweets received from Ron and Hermione, both bright red as they gave their first joint present of what Ginny suspected would be many. From Harry, a quill.

Draco was sitting with Luna on the Ravenclaw table when she came into the Great Hall, listening earnestly to the girl's silvery voice describing a Blithering Humdinger. He raised his goblet of pumpkin juice to her as she entered, mouthing "_Happy birthday." _Hermione, Ron and Harry soon followed, the first two rearranging their clothes in a way which suggested a pre-breakfast rendezvous.

They all piled their plates high with food, and were about to get stuck in when Hermione said, "You know, Ginny, Luna told me the funniest thing last night."

"What?" Ginny asked, forkful of scrambled egg halfway to her mouth. Over on the Ravenclaw table, she could see Draco and Luna listening in.

Hermione spoke in a low voice, obviously only meant for Ginny's ears, so of course the boys listened in. "She said something about you meeting up with some boy all year, you used to owl him all the time. He made you happy. She reckoned you were in love with him. And-" the bushy haired girl blushed "-apparently you slept with him."

The Great Hall was suddenly silent. Ginny's face, she was sure, could not get any redder if she tried. She'd had to tell someone. _That should have been _safe _with Luna!_ Both Harry and her brother were staring at her murderously.

"There was a boy," Ginny allowed after a minute, once she was sure that her heartbeat was under control. Those shards of her soul, the secrets she had shared with Draco… but he was sitting just there at the Ravenclaw table, and he nodded slightly. "We got talking after he gave me detention one night. I wasn't coping too well last year and he found me and sobered me up and talked to me. He made me feel better. He let me know that it was alright to be angry."

She could see Hermione out of the corner of her eye noticing the direction that she was looking in, noticing who she was looking at- mouth dropping open as she realised just who the youngest Weasley had fallen in love with.

Sadly, her brother was somewhat slower, and asked, "Who, Ginny?" in a rather menacing tone suggesting that whoever it was would get their head pounded in.

Heads were whipping back and forth like spectators following a Quidditch match as the silence grew deeper.

"Draco Malfoy," Ginny said distinctly, and sprang out of her brother's reach as she ran out of the Hall.

**a/n:** Lyrics are Regina Spektor: Samson.


	12. Storm

_-__There's a place I go when I'm alone  
Do anything I want, be anyone I want to be  
But it is us I see  
And I cannot believe I'm falling-_

There was rain, lots of rain, pouring down from the sky, emptying out of the amazing purple-grey clouds overhead. The phrase "the heavens opened" had never been more accurately used. In some way, this felt right, this was deserved. Looking up at the sky, squinting against the raindrops falling in her eyes, she could see the lighter outlines at the edge of the clouds, where the sun was somehow trying to break through… But it couldn't quite make it, and the grounds were still dark.

It was cold, and she was only wearing a thin shirt, but right now that didn't matter. She was numb, disconnected from the rest of her body. She could hear someone sobbing quietly and was surprised to find it was herself. More fool her, she'd broken her own heart, and now she was outside, uncaring, in the rain. She'd managed to ignore the strong throbbing pain into a dull ache, but she couldn't help but remember him.

Ginny felt the tears and the rain mix on her face, get trapped in the long copper curls of her hair, turning it into a darker auburn. She had hoped for insight, maybe a form of release. Being out in the rain, feeling it wash her soul clean, might have somehow helped, but instead Ginny just felt more depressed, had less of an idea what to do… all she'd achieved was to soak through her shirt, and get chills to her bones. She was shivering, unsure if that was through the cold or the misery.

What have I done? _What have I done?_

She was as bad as him, she had betrayed them all, more so than he had. Maybe in a different way, but still, there it was. Everyone expected it of him, not of her. She was a traitor- she had betrayed her brothers, her friends, everyone she cared about almost.

And all this, her face turned up to the stormy sky, was for someone who should be her worst enemy, who persistently called her Red as opposed to Ginny (although occasionally he managed a mini-Weasel or Weaselette). An arrogant, insufferable, cowardly idiot who thought he was God's gift to Slytherin.

A hand on her waist pressed the wet shirt to her skin, and spun her round. She turned back away from him, having caught sight of blond hair dripping with water and grey eyes to match the storm clouds. "Draco Malfoy, who'd have thought."

An arm snaked around her, pulling her tight against his chest, shirt to shirt, skin to skin. She felt his cold lips press against the top of her head gently, and sank back into him. "Hello, Red."

She thought back to the day this had all started, the way it had continued. He told her secrets, about his fear of the Dark Lord and the way he'd promised to kill Dumbledore, and she'd looked at his pale, unblemished forearm every time she saw him as insurance. Truthfully, she couldn't see any reason why he'd lie to her, it wasn't like anyone important in his world would believe anything she'd tell them. She was a blood traitor, and by getting closer to him she'd betrayed her family too.

And now they were standing out in the June rain in the school grounds, pretending that they weren't on opposite sides which had suddenly become the same side, and that she hadn't stupidly fallen in love. Not that she'd told him that, and she still didn't trust him, but after the months that they'd spent together sharing secrets in a school filled with mistrust he was closer than anyone else she knew.

And then just now on her birthday in front of the entire school, everything had come to a head, and it had ended with Harry, and now she was outside in the rain and the one holding her up yet again was Draco Malfoy, who rightly should hate her guts for leading him on. Draco, who was still the same arrogant bastard he'd been since she started school. Draco, who she'd somehow fallen in love with despite that.

She was shivering again, remembering the look in Ron's eyes, the way Harry had turned away from her as she revealed what, or rather who, she'd been doing whilst they'd been away. She hadn't played the comfort card, because in the end he'd been worth so much more to her than that.

He spun her round to face him, shirt sticking to his chest, looking at her with a combination of lust and love that made Ginny feel weak at the knees. "You told Luna everything? Because it won't be at all awkward working with Granger tomorrow, now she knows that I'm the Slytherin that slept with her best friend."

"I didn't tell her everything. I didn't tell her why I did it." There was a sudden silence as she spoke, a break in the wind, although the rain still pattered on the ground all around them. Strands of red were glued to her face with the water, but he smoothed them away with one hand to reveal her look of desperation.

"What do you mean, why you did it? I thought you were just getting back at Potter for leaving."

She shook her head at his inability to comprehend, and the wind whipped up again, swirling around them. It was a little early to be having a summer storm, but that had never stopped Hogwarts. In Scotland you expected the rain anyway, although by this time it was usually more in the 'fine mist blurrily obscuring the rolling hills' style rather than a blatter which hit your shoulders hard enough to bruise and you could feel it in your blood that this, right now, was who you were.

"I wouldn't sleep with someone out of pity or revenge. Why waste myself on that, when I could be with you?" The honesty in her voice was raw, and when she tipped her head back to catch the water in her mouth, avoiding his eyes, he could see the water running down her milky throat and somehow know that what she said was true.

"You love me?" he asked, stunned, pushing her head forwards so he could look her in the eyes. She was oddly defiant, staring back at him as if she was daring him to start something. He'd known she was fierce, a fighter- who else would take on the establishment in a school run by Death Eaters?- but until now she'd never turned that fight on him, never had to. Anything she wanted, anything he wanted, they'd done. Together.

His lips pressed to her forehead, reverently. Her eyelids fluttered shut, and he watched her hold him as if this was the last time she ever could. "I do," she whispered, finally. "I'm sorry."

He split them, keeping an arm round her waist as he steered her in the direction of the school, towering grey over them. The Lake to their right was washing over its banks, waves taller than her, and the same menacing grey as his eyes had been when Dolohov had tried to attack her outside the Great Hall and he'd finally showed his true colours.

"What have you got to be sorry for? Don't worry about what Golden Boy or your stupid brother think. They're not worth crying over if they care little enough to hurt you." So he'd been able to tell the difference between the rain and the tears.

"But I've got no one left, Draco. Hermione'll be fine eventually, but I doubt most of my friends will see this the same way. I've dumped Harry Potter to be with you." The greatest betrayal, choosing their saviour's enemy over their saviour. But somehow, this betrayal wasn't wrong, because she'd followed her heart, and her heart was slowly and painfully leading her home.

"Well, I suppose in that case, it needs to be said, doesn't it?" And he smirked yet again at the perplexed look on her face. "I love you," he told her, watching how the sun peeking out from behind one of the many storm clouds caught the tear rolling down her cheek, the raindrop glinting on her nose… of course he could tell the difference. And the copper curls stuck across her forehead, plastered there by rain so the wind couldn't pick them off again. And the reflection turning her chocolate eyes almost golden, the pupils grown huge in the shade. And the beautiful, lightning soul jumping out.

She heard it despite the wind's increasing howling, despite the fact that it was the thing she most and least wanted to hear. And he watched how she lit up more, and the bruise-purple under her eyes just disappeared and she began to glow.

Much kissing in the rain and running back into school and laughter and white towels turning grey later, Ginny turned to Draco with that big glowing smile on her face. "You're amazing."

"And you're intrigued," he leered, grinning down at her with the intense look in his eyes which made her feel weak again. _Grinning? Draco Malfoy?_ But it suited him strangely well. They were standing by the window in his room, not to hide from the rest of the school but simply to get a moment between them to sort out what they were.

She had a frown furrowing her forehead under the strands of her still-wet hair, and from a year's worth of telling secrets he knew exactly what she was thinking. "There's no need to worry about it all. We're together, we'll get through it." He'd been trusting her for a year now, and she'd never told a single one of his secrets, but she knew it was still hard for him to tell how he felt, to speak emotions. The word together still thrilled in her veins.

Water trickled down the windowpane. Outside, the rain was still falling. Outside, the lightning struck home.

**a/n: **

Lyrics are Newton Faulkner: Dream Catch Me

Sorry it's taken me forever to upload, I got distracted by uni- thanks to everyone that's read/reviewed.


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